I'm doing something that totally petrifies me. I have no idea whether I can pull it off. I have no idea whether it's realistic. It's totally out of my comfort zone but I'm going for it anyway.
For a long time now I've had a seed of an idea germinating in my mind. It's been lingering there unseen, laying dormant for years. Now, slowly, quietly but surely, the murmur of that still small voice is beginning to stir within.
I have always had a vision of living in far flung destinations. Travelling. Being nomadic. Adopting a more simplistic life in sunnier climes. Breathing in glorious views of topical visas, azures seascapes and powered white sand.
I've dreamt of sitting on a shaded veranda tapping away on my laptop, making a living on the move, whilst my son lives an al fresco lifestyle in which he gets to run free.
Admittedly I did have a glimpse of this lifestyle for a short time. My son was three. I upped sticks, hired an au pair to go with me, took my business on the road and went travelling in Thailand.
I had planned to continue but somehow ended up back in the UK. In the flash of an eye my son turned four and off he went to school. I quickly found myself doing 'life as usual,' in mummy mode, going through the motions. It's been that way ever since.
Just recently that still small voice within has started to get louder. There's been an uneasy feeling that there must be more to life than this, that I'm wasting time, that inner knowing that I'm meant to DO more, BE more and SEE more of the world.
There's something in me that won't let me forget one very simple but powerful question...
"At the point of death will you be satisfied with the way you have lived?"
In the past the answer had always been a resounding yes. However, of late there's a feeling that if don't do something the answer will soon be a resounding "No."
So here I am. Putting thought to paper. The seed of an idea is coming to form.
I'm documenting the journey. Making it my reality one deliberate word at a time, writing it as it unfolds. Taking perfectly imperfect action. Wondering, will this magical pipe-dream become my reality? Can I really do this?
This is my way of holding my feet to the fire, of making myself accountable. A very public declaration and a way of making things happen.
I've learnt over the years that this is the way I get things done, not to spend days pondering the big shifts in life, but to step into them one intentional step at a time. When you put it out there publicly, it leaves you no choice but to make it happen.
And so it begins. I've taken the hardest step, deciding. Now there's no turning back!