I'm doing something that totally petrifies me. I have no idea whether I can pull it off. I have no idea whether it's realistic. It's totally out of my comfort zone but I'm going for it anyway.
For a long time now I've had a seed of an idea germinating in my mind. It's been lingering there unseen, lying dormant for years. It started back in my twenties.
Now, quietly but surely, the murmur of that still small voice is beginning to stir within.
I have always had a vision of living in far-flung destinations. Travelling. Being nomadic. Adopting a more simplistic life in sunnier climes. Breathing in glorious views of tropical visas, azure seascapes and bleached powder white sands.
I've dreamed of sitting on a shaded veranda tapping away on my laptop, making a living on the move, whilst my son gets to enjoy an al fresco lifestyle in which he runs free.
I had a glimpse of this lifestyle back in 2013. My son was three. I upped sticks, hired an au pair, took my business on the road and went travelling in Thailand. I had planned to continue but somehow ended up back in the UK.
In the flash of an eye my son turned four and off he went to school. I quickly found myself in the system, in mummy mode, going through the motions and doing business and life as usual. It's been that way ever since.
Just recently that still small voice within has started to get louder. There's been an uneasy feeling that there must be more to life than this, that I'm wasting time, that inner knowing that I'm meant to DO more, BE more and SEE more of the world.
There's something in me that won't let me forget one very simple but powerful question...
"At the point of death will you be satisfied with the way you have lived?"
In the past, the answer had always been a resounding yes. However, of late there's a feeling that if don't DO something NOW the answer will soon be a resounding "No."
I abhor the idea of going through the motions.
So here I am, putting thoughts down on digital paper. The seed of an idea is coming to form. I'm waiting to see what transpires.
I've decided to document my journey. Making it my reality one deliberate word at a time, writing it as it unfolds. Taking perfectly imperfect action. Wondering, will this magical pipe-dream become my reality? Can I really do this?
This is my way of holding my feet to the fire, of making myself accountable. A very public declaration and a way of making things happen.
I've learnt over the years that this is the way I get things done, not to spend days pondering, but dive in one intentional step at a time without really knowing how it will pan out.
When you put it out there publicly, it leaves you no choice but to make shit happen.
And so it begins.
I've taken the hardest step... DECIDING.
Now there's no turning back!